"My child can talk, so why is making friends still so hard?" or "She has words, but she doesn’t know how to have a conversation."
You are not alone. Speech and social connection are related, but they are not the same skill set. Talking is about forming words and sentences. Social communication is about when, why, and how we use those words with other people. Many autistic children have solid vocabulary and grammar yet still need support in the social side of communication.
Quick take: If your child can talk but struggles in groups, the missing pieces are usually pragmatic language, social inference, perspective taking, and reading nonverbal cues.
| Talking (form) | Social communication (use) |
|---|---|
| Knowing words and grammar | Starting, keeping, and ending a conversation at a good time |
| Pronouncing sounds | Matching tone and volume to the setting |
| Building sentences | Reading body language and facial expressions |
| Labeling and answering | Asking follow-up questions, sharing topics, taking turns |
Clinicians call the right side pragmatic language. It is the rulebook for using language with people. Many autistic children need these rules taught directly and practiced in real settings.
These are not defiance or rudeness. They are signs that social communication skills need teaching and support.
Pragmatic language is using the right words in the right way for the moment. That includes how to start a chat, keep it going, change topics, and end politely. It also includes personal space, turn taking, and appropriate tone. Many autistic learners benefit from explicit teaching and plenty of low-pressure practice.
Try this at home: Pick one routine, such as snack time. Practice a simple three-beat script: "Offer" (Would you like some?), "Wait," "Follow-up" (Great, what do you want next?). Fade the script as your child succeeds.
Humans often imply rather than state things. We sigh, shrug, or say "maybe later," and others infer what we mean. Autistic children may miss these subtle cues or take language literally, which can make them seem disinterested or too persistent when they actually want to connect. Teaching how to notice the situation, the person, and the words together can help.
Practice idea: Watch a short, silent clip together. Pause and ask, "What do you think she wants?" or "What changed when he looked away?"
Perspective taking means understanding that another person may want to play something different, may not know what you know, and may feel differently than you do. This skill grows with modeling, role-play, and structured peer practice.
In session at AIA: We use brief role-plays, video clips, and social stories, then practice with peers and caregivers so the skill shows up at school and at home. Peer-mediated practice is an evidence-based way to build social understanding.
Much of human communication lives in the face, the body, and the voice. A step back may mean "I need space." Looking away may mean "I am ready to move on." A change in tone can signal a joke or frustration. Teaching children to look for a few predictable signals builds real-world confidence.
Game to try: Make it a scavenger hunt. During a family show, pause when you see a cue and label it together: "He crossed his arms. What might that mean right now?"
Rules like "do not stand too close," "ask what the other person likes," and "change your voice in the library" are seldom said out loud. At AIA, we break each rule into small steps, model examples and non-examples, practice with peers, and reinforce approximations so children can use the skill in class, on the playground, and at home. This stepwise approach aligns with evidence-based practices such as modeling, visual supports, peer-mediated instruction, and social narratives.
We focus on connection, communication, and emotional regulation. Each plan is individualized and may include:
These strategies are identified as evidence-based for autistic learners, which means multiple high-quality studies show positive effects on social and communication outcomes.
Want a deeper dive? See our guides on Proactive and Reactive ABA Strategies, Individualized Care Plans, and Sensory Processing to understand how we tailor support.
If your child wants friends but keeps hitting the same hurdles, structured teaching can help. Start a conversation with our team about ABA therapy and the intake process. Or book a free consultation today. We serve families across Scottsdale, Tempe, Mesa, Gilbert, and the greater Phoenix area.
Aside for Arizona families: On hot days when the playground is not an option, practice social games during indoor activities such as board games, art projects, or LEGO builds. Short, predictable practice goes a long way in the Phoenix summer.